Timing
A few months ago, I was asked to run an introductory session for a friend and his crew about 45 minutes away. I actually did say "yes" at first, but it ultimately ended up getting cancelled due to scheduling conflicts on their end. I was relieved at not having to drive the distance and to have that time back for weekend chores. Even a single session would have completely taken my day - a round trip hour and a half (minimum), prep time, a three to four hour session, plus breaks for snacks, restroom, etc. You can see how that adds up. However, I did miss a chance to game, to introduce new people to the hobby, and perhaps to even make some new friends. Though, it wouldn’t have been surprising for them to still try and talk me into taking on an in-person game, if they came back now, I’d have to unfortunately say no flat-out. There are two many end of school year obligations where I need to be there for my kids and family: birthdays, holidays, life events. It doesn’t mean I don’t miss gaming, though. Timing is the famously the bane of many gaming groups out there. If you must say no, and timing is the culprit, make sure you include that along with your "No." It not only softens the blow, but leaves things open to a potential "yes" in the future. Make sure you don’t go down that path too many times with the same people though if you can help it, though - you don't want to brew resentment when you simply have incompatible lives.
Virtual Insanity
In a similar vein, I had a friend recently reach out and ask me to help with running a session (or sessions) online for their family. As much as I wanted to say the classic "yes, and…" I unfortunately had to say "no" yet again. I’d be helping kids learn the hobby, and get the whole family involved? How could I possibly say no? And since it would be virtual, that should surely at least cut back on those logistical and timing issues mentioned above. Fortunately. though, we also have the lesser-used companion to "yes" and "no, but.." No, I can’t run your game right now, but I’m really flattered and excited. I can’t run a session for you, but I can point you to tons of resources, direct you to easy beginner stuff, dice, etc. You can keep offering advice can continue, the door remains open to actually running the sessions in the future. Keeping a line of contact is helpful for all parties, and is a little softer than the bite of "no, and no is always no." Plus, if they're able to get it going on their own or with someone else, you'll hopefully get to hear all about their adventures and get some vicarious tabletop gaming in, yourself.
Two Night
For over six years now, I’ve been running a weekly (okay, we’ve missed quite a few weeks, and it isn’t always me running it... but I started it!) D&D game with a few friends. We’ve lost people for short periods, taken on new players, traded off DMing now and again, amd switched campaigns, but we’ve pretty much maintained it regularly through the years. But now I’m struggling with the decision to step back from that completely. I might need to take an extensive absence, perhaps even years-long, due to family and fiduciary obligations. I’ve been open with the group about it, and I’ve somehow managed to keep (mostly) going since telling them I might need to step back a few months ago . Just as luck would have it, right about the time I started struggling with that decision, the other person who regularly DMs for our group invited me to another game. I had to politely decline - if I can’t say "yes" to my regular group, how could I join another? But we did leave the door open for a possible cameo or even full participation later, though. Two nights would be just too much for me though, as I’ve learned from previous attempts to join games.
So where does all of that leave us and the word "no?" Well, it's still often necessary to say no, but remember that there are still different ways to keep yourself included. It may also be a "no for now" or a ‘"no, but what if we…" None of these decisions are easy or fun, but if you keep these concepts in mind, you can say "no" in the best ways possible for everyone involved. At least make sure the people you say "no" to understand why you had to turn them down. You never know what doors that might remain open. Until next week, enjoy your tables and your dice… even when you have to tell them "no, not right now."
- A
No, you can't NOT send questions, comments, and invitations to games to neversaydice20@gmail.com. But you can NOT not send questions, either. Wait...
