Skip to main content

Of Goblins

How do you describe a goblin to an 8 year old? Recently, I began reading The Hobbit at bedtime to my eldest kid. We're a few chapters in, not far past the section on the trolls. The topic of goblins has come up as the troop has just raided the trolls’ cave and found the goblin slaying sword Orchrist (note that orc bit later.) "What are goblins, dad?"

We of course aren't quite to the point where a good description is given. We will get there at some point, likely just as we are meant to. His interest was piqued though, and so I had to give some sort of response. I could jump ahead in the book and find a Tolkienian description of them. I could go grab one of my many Monster Manuals and find a picture and a description. The latest D&D description is as follows:
Goblins are small, black-hearted humanoids that lair in despoiled dungeons and other dismal settings. Individually weak, they gather in large numbers to torment other creatures.
This description is what I would typically consider a goblin, but not exactly what Tolkien would consider a goblin. You see, Tolkien goblins are what most would consider Orcs. This explains a bit of why the sword is called Orchrist. The best description I could find on the Lord of the Rings wiki mostly differentiated between types:
There are two varieties of goblins: The goblins of the Misty Mountain and the goblins of Moria. The goblins of the Misty Mountain have flesh-colored skin and seem to be afflicted with various skin diseases and deformations that include hairlips and stunted growth. The goblins of Moria have a very green-colored skin tone compared to their Misty Mountain cousins with larger pointier ears and huge bulbous eyes that reflect their nature as cave creatures.
I didn't really want to get into that much detail, nor did I even have a chance to research this until much later. I certainly didn't want to add Orcs into the mix. Then I'd have to explain Orcs and Goblins with descriptions. This is bedtime, and we need answers fast.

I could have given examples from Spider-Man, Labyrinth or any number of other sources of which my son might be aware. In the end I turned to a video game he and I have been playing together, Breath of the Wild. For now, he thinks the goblins of The Hobbit look something like a Bokoblin. After we're through with the book, I'll have to show him the old Rankin Bass version.




Popular posts from this blog

The Weather Stone

If the rock is wet, it's raining. If the rock is swinging, the wind is blowing. If the rock casts a shadow, the sun is shining. If the rock does not cast a shadow and is not wet, the sky is cloudy. If the rock is difficult to see, it is foggy. If the rock is white, it is snowing. If the rock is coated with ice, there is a frost. If the ice is thick, it's a heavy frost. If the rock is bouncing, there is an earthquake. If the rock is under water, there is a flood. If the rock is warm, it is sunny. If the rock is missing, there was a tornado (or the Rogue stole it). If the rock is wet and swinging violently, there is a hurricane. If the rock can be felt but not seen, it is night time. If the rock has white splats on it, watch out for birds. If there are two rocks, stop drinking, you are drunk. If the rock is glowing, get to a fallout shelter. Weather Stones have been "prognosticating" the current conditions for as long as…well, probably as long as there have been rocks. ...

Devouring "Roll for Sandwich"

Good timezone to Never Say Dice fans, adventures in Aardia, TikTok and beyond. No, I’m not the Roll for Sandwich guy (neither of us is), but if you haven’t heard of him already (or especially if you have), this week I wanted to talk about the TikTok/YouTube show Roll for Sandwich hosted by Jacob Pauwels. The premise is exactly what it sounds like: every episode, the host rolls dice to determine the various items that comprise a sandwich (except when the episode is about s’mores). He assembles the sandwich, then actually eats and critiques his random creation. If it sounds pretty niche to you... it is. You should  probably be both a bit of a foodie and a TTRPG fan in order to truly appreciate both the strange layered creations and the roleplaying references. My eldest son has been so interested in the web series that he decided he wanted to try doing it for himself. So, for the last week of summer this year, we took stock of our cupboards, made our own charts, and proceeded to con...

An Introduction to Risus

While roaming the internet in the late nineties/early noughties, I came across a TTRPG that was rules-lite and called itself “the anything RPG.” Want to play a high school cheerleader/samurai-in-training part-time goth enthusiast fast food cashier? The hot pink stick figure art glared back at me. Nah, not interested. But I was wrong. The stick figures were actually purple, and Risus is a surprisingly versatile, handy and down right fun TTRPG. I wouldn’t figure that out though till I discovered it again several years later. Even though it was written as a comedy system (and somewhat lighthearted response to GURPS) you really can use it for just about anything: space opera, high fantasy, pulp, vampires,western, any movie setting you could think of...seriously anything. You can read a far more detailed and interesting history in a number of other places should it strike your fancy. It is time for your Risus indoctrination introduction. Risus really is versatile and fairly easy to learn...

Peasant Railgun

Peasants are the common commoner amongst the NPCs of many a tabletop role playing game. It doesn’t matter the setting, there's going to be a variety of "common" NPC that's peasant-like in some way. The subject of peasants has come up in my Dungeons and Dragons gaming group once again as the Peasant Railgun meme makes its way through the internet once again. A crazy idea that's been around for many years. Not sure what we’re talking about? The concept goes something like this: we find a big bad target, line up a group of 2,280 peasants all in a row over the distance of two miles, have them all ready their action, and then have them pass an object (usually a spear) down the line over the course of a six-second round, until it reaches the last person in line who throws the ammo at the target - gaining  "velocity damage" based on falling object damage, and dealing somewhere near 400d6 worth of damage. If this idea sounds ridiculous to you, and you’re a reg...