A PIE-rate I Shall Be

Another Pi Day (3/14, if you're too square to know) has come and gone, and with it this blog's birthday. As is tradition, we're going to batter you pie jokes like it's graduation day at clown college! Given our love of the ancient (if questionably-honorable) profession of piracy, it's a bit of a sur-pies we haven't been filling up these posts with pie-rate jokes, but we've been known to be a bit flaky at times. Not wanting anything to come out underdone or half-baked, get ready to break off a peg-leg and roll some dough for our fourth annual Pi-naversarry post! - B

PIErate's Curse - Trouble's a-bakin' aboard the badde ship Golden Cruste. The crew has been cut down the middle: one slice longing for meat pies, the other for fruit. With limited ingredients and the ever-present threats of scurvy and mutiny, the captain must carefully measure a course around desserted islands and torte-uous seas, keeping his crew from overheating and staying one step ahead of the British Navy, eager to put him on the rack!

Captain Custard - As a kid, Van Custard lived in upper crust society. Then his parents fell on hard times. Taking to the sea as a cabin boy and egged on by his crewmates, it didn't take long for him to flour and rise to cream of the crop, eventually becoming the big cheese. Would he be able to milk the seas of enough profit to win the heart of the saucy maiden Éclair? Only time would tell.

Quartermaster Cutter - Every captain kneads a right hand. Someone who can rise to the challenges of leading a ship, but still blend in with the crew. Cutter molds the team and forms them into a real pirates. At yeast with Cutter around, Captain Custard can rest assured he’ll get the real scoop and not just be buttered up.

Pilot Beurre - When you’re leaven yer port, Pilot Beurre should always be around to steer. This salt of the earth wheel-woman folds well into any crew. Not only that, but she’ll extract the most speed you’ve ever seen from a ship and whisk you out of danger, even when yer in the thick of it.

Deck-hand(pie) Flaky - Some think him savory, but at his core this pie-rate is as sweet as an apple. When he isn’t pan-dering to the whims of the crew, you’ll catch him lugging around the black (baking) powder for the gunners.

Carpenter Scald - Scald never rested on his laurels as a kid. Always poking into one thing or another, he never loafed about. This germinated skills as a barber, carpenter and doctor. He may not score points for his age, but his experience will gel well with any ship’s crew.

Will our confectionery corsairs find themselves cooked, or will they pull themselves out of the fire before their timer is up? If you run any kind of game involving these crusty ideas, be sure to tell us about it at neversaydice20@gmail.com or Tweet them @neversaydice2... at least until Twitter finally gets from the tallest y'arr-darm!

The Mission Will Be Very Safe and Fun for Everyone: Some Thoughtcrimes on Running Paranoia

I'm sorry citizen, but the question "why hasn't there been a Paranoia post in over fifteen months" cannot be processed. Records indicate that the previous post, " [Backstory Redacted] - Getting Ready to Run Paranoia " was activated in the Year 214 of the Computer, and, as this is currently Year 214 of the Computer, your internal chronometer must be malfunctioning. Rumors that is has always been Year 214 of the Computer are treason. Please report to Internal Security for cerebral re-adjustment. Have a nice daycycle. So, why hasn't there been a post about Paranoia in fifteen months, anyway? The previous two have been quite popular , and, as I'm fond of saying, I've put more thought into this game than nearly anything else in my life, formal education included. As time went on, I found myself procrastinating on the follow-up. I didn't have enough time to work out everything I'd want to cover, I'd tell myself, or that some other top

An Introduction to Risus

While roaming the internet in the late nineties/early noughties, I came across a TTRPG that was rules-lite and called itself “the anything RPG.” Want to play a high school cheerleader/samurai-in-training part-time goth enthusiast fast food cashier? The hot pink stick figure art glared back at me. Nah, not interested. But I was wrong. The stick figures were actually purple, and Risus is a surprisingly versatile, handy and down right fun TTRPG. I wouldn’t figure that out though till I discovered it again several years later. Even though it was written as a comedy system (and somewhat lighthearted response to GURPS) you really can use it for just about anything: space opera, high fantasy, pulp, vampires,western, any movie setting you could think of...seriously anything. You can read a far more detailed and interesting history in a number of other places should it strike your fancy. It is time for your Risus indoctrination introduction. Risus really is versatile and fairly easy to learn

Be a Grinch! (in a Tabletop RPG)

The Holidays may be almost over (for a while), and we hope you’ve all enjoyed your seasonal music and movies/specials. We here at Never Say Dice have covered the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special and the new LEGO edition a few posts ago. A common thing many of us into tabletop RPGS like to do is incorporate media into our games. After all, many of us have grown up with the blending of media and the holidays as a given. It provides us a framework to build on and a common touchpoint to the people at our tables, virtual or otherwise. One classic character featured in holiday specials and commemorated in his own song is the Grinch, the avocado-green villain with strange cardiac growth problems apparently linked to his personality. The Grinch, villain though he may be, has a slew of characteristics that would make the character an excellent one at the gaming table. Those of you not familiar with Suess-lore may really only know the Grinch from the How the Grinch Stole Christmas animated

[Backstory Redacted] - Getting Ready to Run Paranoia

Greetings, Citizens! For scheduling reasons Due to Commie sabotage, the benevolent and exceptionally well-prepared individuals in charge of Never Say Dice have chosen to follow up the recent Paranoia post with another, this time about what you need to do before the game. Readers unfamiliar with Paranoia should take this opportunity to educate themselves before their ignorance is discovered and punished, and any readers uninterested in Paranoia should join the line for the nearest Termination Booth forming here . Please fill out the Citizen Satisfaction Survey before stepping into the booth. Have a pleasant daycycle! When we last spoke, I had covered the setting and talked a little about my first (successful) Paranoia session, but closed without sharing the lessons I had learned from my years of running the game. Players: Welcome to Alpha Complex, Six Death Minimum I must admit to having a certain advantage in my pool of available players that other Gamemasters might not: I live in

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